From a single, never-married, woman’s POV

I recognize my circumstance isn’t the “norm”. Single? At my age? OH EM GEE. Yeah. Single and pretty much always happy. Do I wish I had someone to spend my life with? Yes? Do I love that I just do what I want when I want and I’m not getting mad at someone because they don’t do everything the way I want it? Also yes.

I’ve watched people over the years and learned that much of what doesn’t work in a relationship is that each person has a way they want to live their life and they don’t want to change. Life circumstances become different and the question becomes, “Are you willing to adjust?”.

Now, if you’re single like me, or even if you just want some sound advice/information, these are some things that I try to do to make my life more enjoyable (because nobody is going to do it for me).

1. Get rid of things that don’t make you happy. Did you grow out of a collection? Did someone buy you some trinkets that you have no idea what to do with? You don’t have to keep them. You change. Your life changes. Circumstances change. Someone else out there might LOVE to have that collection. Someone out there may NOT want your collection and if it has outlived it’s place in your life, maybe it’s time to throw it out.
2. Same goes for people. Family is important, don’t go shoving them away. That said, don’t surround yourself every day with people who don’t bring you joy. At work you may not be able to help it. At home though, surround you with people who bring substance to your life. Life is to short to always be fighting or unhappy. If you are happy, those around you will benefit from it as well.
3. Clothes are specific. If someone got you a novelty tee and it’s too small or isn’t something you even care about… it’s ok to return or donate it. Oh AMY, that’s SO ungrateful. No it’s not. I’m grateful for the thought and that they tried. They probably won’t even know that you donated, returned or sold it. I mean, if you go to them and say, “I don’t like what you got me. I’m getting rid of it.” Well, that’s just rude. Unless they specifically ask you about the item, they will probably never even know. A little white lie won’t hurt them either. When I give gifts, I give them the gift receipt if I get one. If they don’t like it… I HOPE they take it back and get what they want. I hope they would want that for me as well.
4. Set a timer. Are you working on a project? Doing laundry? Taking a nap? Give yourself time for it. You painted something and now it will take an hour to dry before you can continue on with the project…. set a timer so you don’t forget about it. How long does your laundry take to wash? I know that if I don’t set a timer, I just… completely forget about the laundry. The only way I allow myself to take a nap is if I set a timer. I will sleep all day if I don’t and then falling asleep at night is awful.
5. Do it now. But I have plenty time? Why would I just do it when I don’t have to do it for 3 days? I’ll just wait. Yeah, but you never know what will happen between now and then that will occupy your time. Likely something will come along that you will want to do, and you won’t be able to do it because you didn’t just finish that project. I’ve actually found this to be most helpful in my work. So many random things come up in Real Estate. If I wait to do something, I could have 5-6 more things come up in the mean-time and now I have just one more thing to get completed.
6. Nobody will do it for you. This one snuck up on me during the pandemic. During the pandemic, suddenly there was nothing to do. No one could make plans for me. It was me and me alone. When the pandemic was slowing down and we were able to do things again, I realized I had to make my own plans because nobody would do it for me. Do you want to go see your friend in another state? Call them. Talk to your partner. Make a plan. Nobody will do it for you. For me, I just waited and waited for such a long time before it finally hit me – nobody will set up the trip up for me. Nobody will take me exploring and to do fun and crazy things. Nobody will paint my living room for me. If I want to do it, I have to at least get the ball rolling.
7. Call your friends. Are you feeling alone? Why doesn’t anybody ever ask you to do things? What happened to all of your friends? Guess what? It takes 2. You have to call them and ask them to do things. Oh, you don’t have anything to do? Make up stuff to do. Go shopping. Go to the range. Go out to eat. Eventually your friends will quit calling if you turn them down enough times. You have to actually go and do things with them. Do this though, if you call them and they keep turning you down… don’t quit calling them. Keep inviting them. If they won’t go, just go and do whatever it is by yourself. They will see that you’re keeping plans now and eventually they will go with you.
8. Decide to be happy. Will this always work? No probably not. However, I know many people who are unhappy because they allow themselves to obsess and make themselves unhappy. I’m not saying don’t feel how you feel. Definitely feel the feels. However, when you have felt your feels and you’re all done with the feels and now you have an option… choose to be happy. Often it IS a choice. Waking up in the morning, before anything has even had a chance to happen, choose happy.
9. Help without expecting reward. Now I’ve gone to far haven’t I? I mean, who does work for free Amy? You know who does? I do. From opening the door for someone behind you to helping someone paint, to giving blood, it’s all stuff that you will find makes you feel good inside. Sometimes I pull a neighbor’s trash bin around after the trash has been picked up. If it’s windy and a neighbor’s plant tipped over, I will sit it upright and place it somewhere where it won’t knock over again. These little things people may never even know you did but you may have saved them some time or saved their plant or maybe… just maybe… they were having a bad day and you holding that door and smiling made them smile and changed the trajectory of their whole day.

Whether any of this resonates with you, I don’t know. These are all things that I have put together over time. Much of it you may already do but just never thought much about it. All I hope for you is that you have a great day and that you find something to bring you joy!