I feel restless. Most weekend days I woke up and my cat would crawl up on my chest purring. I know what you’re thinking, Amy, all you talk about is Peppers these days. Well, she was 50% of my life before Monday. She was my confidant, my friend, my entertainment, and my dependent. Now it’s just me. I’m alone.

I was talking to someone (sort of) when I went to Florida. It feels like something from the past – though he still checks in on me. I just don’t respond. He’s so much younger than me and after seeing mom and dad, retired, living retired life, it just feels like it would be ridiculous to go for someone so much younger. Someone who once told me that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. Guess what guy? I’m almost 43 years old and never have been married. Do you think I’m looking for something serious? I am. I’m not going to waste my time on someone who isn’t. It was fun at first but when my cat died I started looking at my future. What do I want?

If I found a relationship that would be great but I don’t need it. I want another cat. That’s right. Not even a week post-having to put my cat in forever sleep, I want another cat. I MISS MY CAT. I miss having someone to care for. Someone dependent, yet mostly-self-sufficient. I received a small quote for display from my boss and his wife that says, “If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.” I truly feel that way about my cat. She was such a sweet girl. Even with her personality when others were around – which meant there were never any guests in my home – I still loved her fully.

This morning I slept in a little. I haven’t done that in a while. Usually there was a schedule we kept and it worked for me. It was relaxing. WE (me and Peppers) would get up at 7… well, 7:15 after she laid on my chest and got pets for a bit, then I got ready and we came downstairs, had treats/breakfast and I would sit in my chair and watch YouTube while Peppers would either lay in the cat perch by the window or lay in her bed across the room. No matter where she was, she would purr and I would be content.

Today I don’t feel content. I feel like I need to do everything I’ve been thinking about all at once. I need to go to the gym. I need to walk 10k steps. I need to clean. I need to purge old clothes. I need to throw out old cat stuff. I need to put cat stuff away. I need to get rid of old litter. I need to clean cat boxes. I need to go to the mall. I need to go to Ulta. I need to clean the kitchen. I need to hang some wallpaper on the island in the kitchen. I need to clean the guest room. I need to paint the guest room. I just feel the need to keep busy. That’s FINE, don’t get me wrong, it’s just, my weekends used to feel very full-filled doing minimal things and now I don’t think it’s going to feel full-filled unless I accomplish everything I’ve just listed.

I guess I should get started. I’ve already cleaned all of my daily water bottles, purged a few of them to make room for the 3 more that I ordered this morning. I cleaned the kitchen. I carried down trash, old art that was hanging on my walls in my bedroom that I feel the need to suddenly discard and a bunch of old boxes that are likely from Christmas gifts. I put away the seasonal candles and got out the spring/summer stuff and I’ve cut-down a box to use for when I paint my nails (so I don’t get anything on my coffee table). It’s been a productive morning but again, I’m in a state of unrest and I believe that’s due to the lack of another soul/animal/someone being in my home making me feel at ease and comfortable.

So over the next little bit we will see what happens. I’m most-likely waiting for my brother and Sister-In-Law (SIL) to find more kittens behind their house – like they have been about every spring – “Kitten Season”. My SIL , who is a vet-tech, doesn’t look highly upon most shelters due to the conditions the animals come to the vet in. I highly-respect what she has to say about this kind of thing and I know of at least 5 kittens that have come from behind their house and are in good-health. So I wait. Maybe I will get one. Maybe I will get 2? What I know for sure is that though they will never take the place of my first cat-love (V. Pepper Potts – the Cat, the Myth, the Legend) but there is plenty of room in my heart for more animals to have my love.