You know how it is…. when you have put on some weight and then you get into, what I would consider, a healthier routine? You look in the mirror and you see – a thinner face, less weird flabby areas and dare I say it… MUSCLE? When you put your clothes on, they’re the same size but now they fit where they should fit. Then one day you hop on the scale and you KNOW it will have gone down. Your hopes are up. You step on the scale and *insert sad sounds* everything is the same.

So many people will tell you that they have stopped looking at the scale. That it doesn’t actually tell their story. I haven’t gotten to that point, but I 100% see where they’re coming from. Personally, when I step on the scale, I look at it as if it were a long-term goal. Yeah, I want to go down in size. I feel like this is an indicator of health for me. I have healthy goals. I’m not looking to be skin and bones – that look would not suit my bone structure and I’ma tell you now – I LOVE being strong.

It took me one physical with one rude nurse to get the schpeel from the doctor when I was 12ish to learn that not everyone is built the same. The nurse weighed me and then told me I was in the obese category for someone my age. I was intensely active. I was in the lower end of body fat. I was probably 5 foot tall and 110 lbs at that time. I’m telling you what, you don’t tell a 12 year old girl she’s obese. How do I know that? Well, for one, when the doctor came in to do my physical, I was almost in tears and he ask me why, and I told him. He told me to, “Hang tight for just a moment.” Then he left the room. A short time later I heard him ripping the nurse a new one for telling a young, impressionable girl she was overweight. At the time I was upset. Luckily, when he came back in the room and told me that I was a healthy weight for my age and height, I just took his word for it. I know girls out there that would not have been able to do that and would have most-likely developed an unhealthy obsession with weight. All due to one nurse telling them what that nurse told me.

I’ll be honest with you, I’ve almost always weighed heavy. But Amy, what do you mean? Well, compared to most other people my height and weight, I usually wear a smaller size in clothing we will say. Now there is an exception. For about 6 years I let my size catch up to my weight by losing muscle and gaining fat. Hey, it was a hard time. I had 2 wrist surgeries – one of which had me out of order for about 9 months. Then another few years to learn how to use it the way it was without injuring it again. During those 6 years I’ve been trying to get into a workout routine. I finally did and the pandemic hit. I finally felt comfortable enough to go back to the gym after that and I hurt my back… repeatedly.

Finally I’ve been in a good routine with working out. I’ve been trying not to force myself to go. I want to WANT to go. Most days I do. Sure, there are days I feel like I NEED to go. Not only for my physical health, but for my mental health as well. Some days I don’t talk to anybody. Or like, no one notable anyway. I have to go to the gym just to get out of the house. While I’m there I may as well get a good workout in!

Yesterday I did a really good workout with my workout partner. Then I went hiking. I burnt a crap-load of calories but I also ate junk. I ate fast food and then I made nachos for dinner (actually, I ate the same on Saturday AND Sunday). Salt. Salt. Salt. Today I got on the scale knowing what I had done this weekend. I knew I had loaded up on salty foods and it was going to show. I just didn’t see myself gaining FOUR pounds over 2 days. Man if that doesn’t say something about all of the sodium in processed foods I just don’t know what does?

So now I just have to get back to my regular eating schedule. Try to talk myself out of eating the processed foods again. Get back on the whole foods (mostly) eating wagon, drink my water and flush out my system and then hope my weight goes back down and it was just the salt holding on to all of the fluids that made the scale do that!

I need to eat better and continue working out. Someone said the other day on a Tik Tok, the biggest difference between people who actually workout and the people who complain that working out doesn’t work for them is that the first group show up and continue to show up until it shows. Now if that’s not the truth, then I don’t know what that word means.

Do you think Dwayne Johnson, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth and Brie Larson just look that way because of genetics? I mean, I’m sure it doesn’t hurt anything to be over 6′ tall for the fellas, but all of them worked their butts off and ate healthy to look the way they do. Am I going to be on screen? Do I need to look like the girls above? No. That’s not even my goal. I’m not looking to be skinny. I’m looking to be healthy and strong. Whatever size I end up at when I feel healthy and strong, that’s where I want to be. I want to put on a bathing suit and think, hey, not bad *me*, not to awful bad.

Before I get there though, I know I’m going to have to lose some pounds and before I can lose pounds I will have to build muscle to burn the fat. It’s just who I am. It’s just how I’m built. Losing weight and being skinny is one thing, but that definitely doesn’t make you healthy. I want my heart to be healthy. So, for now, while I’m still building muscle, before I’m losing any actual “weight”. Weight loss is out there, looming, waiting for the right moment. That is the moment I’m waiting for right now!